Glenbrooke News

• I write in short choppy sentences because that’s the way my mind tosses it out. I’ve been warned that it’s coming out that way or not at all … please, no cheap shots here.

• How shallow is this guy? If I see a column with paragraph after paragraph of single spacing my eyes wander to the first word of the third paragraph. If that doesn’t give me the gist of the argument, I move on to the comics.

• I love the term “blah, blah, blah” because it gives me something to hum when my thoughts go awry … like now. I think it goes something like this…

• If you can make me laugh you have a friend for life.

• The baseball player A-Rod blames his steroid experimentation on “youthful indiscretion”. How do I get some of that and what’s the shelf life? Will it mellow into “mature indiscretion”? Does it finally turn into vinegary “old guy screw-ups”? Nah I bet it’s good forever … I want some.

• What would my last meal be? … KFC bucket with mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits and cold slaw. It’s 7 a.m. and I’m thinking of lunching with the Colonel. With the amount of fat in the bucket it would have to be my last.

• Facebook … uncomfortable. I signed up and instantly regretted pushing the send button. I guess I don’t understand what Facebook does that e-mail, texting and voicemail doesn’t. Maybe some users of Facebook can explain in terms I can understand … now there’s a challenge. To those who have asked to be my friend, I’m sorry. My computer froze up or maybe it was my mind.

• Styling … boxers or briefs? Briefs just don’t seem right after the age of 5. Short-sleeved dress shirt is a contradiction in terms. Cowboy boots, yes … New Balance 4E sneakers, no, even though I own three pair.

• Hiccup hot. I just don’t have the patience to try a small taste … of anything.

• Non sequitur … the only way to stop hiccups is taking small repeated sips of wine … or maybe it’s water to get rid of them, and wine to get them. It can become confusing, but with the wine version, I don’t really care if I have them.

• I need to concentrate a little more this morning because I’m trying out the new Bad Boy, 4-blade swivel shaver. Needless to say, there’s potential injury with every stroke.

• Habit I can’t break … lock my car, walk 10 feet and go back to see if it’s locked. I repeat several times.

• The pelican hurtles beak-first toward the bay, bobs to the surface with a fish it gulps down and then shakes its tail. Not a bad way to dine.

• The 50-plus chef/owner – pony-tailed, wearing no shirt and smoking a cigarette — asked which pastry I wanted. I still am disgusted I bought a brownie from him … damn it was good.

• Continued pattern of rejection … Visa hates me and Walmart. My card was rejected twice on consecutive days for “irregular spending patterns” … second time eight officials, one with a gun, milled around my cart of toiletries. I started to leave when a man shouted “Sir!”… I fell to the floor because I was positive Visa had instructed Walmart to kill me. Everything is OK … computer glitch … thank you for shopping at Walmart. Moral: I need to buy toiletries on a more regular basis.

Editor's note: While this is the 3rd 'Reflections in the Mirror'  GlenbrookeNews has posted,  Doug Mudford  has  contributed 18  to Anewscafe -  you can read his past blogs Here.   Mr. Mudford has graciously given his permission to reprint them here. He always makes me laugh with his random thoughts and observations.

Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to doug@ca-lawyer.com.